I'm a birth mom that relinquished a child for adoption. Only a mother who takes this path knows the pain that emcompasses the heart. I'm sure women who have had an abortion feel the same way.
I was a young girl and thought I was bad ~ I had no idea how to heal and my parents didn't know how to help. I tried to hurt myself to 'make-up' for WHAT I did. In my late 20's I started with recovery and worked through the pain in therapy.
It was almost too much to bear when I found out that my then husband and I had infertility problems. There are over 70 million women who suffer from infertility ~ and suffer they do. We went through all the testing and procedures and I was punctured just before our third attempt of IVF in a routine procedure. It almost claimed my life and I ended up losing a tube and an ovary. I went to grief counseling and began to pick up the pieces.
For the longest time I never believed that I could adopt myself, because what IF I was trying to replace my birth daughter?! After many years, hard work and a lot of prayer I woke up one day and knew I could adopt and for all the right reasons! I couldn't keep my mind focused on anything else.
We adopted a beautiful little girl from Guatemala and I learned the greatest lesson of my life. I didn't need a child of my own lineage ~ this was my child and the intensity with which I loved her was beyond anything I'd ever experienced.
I divorced and adopted again in 2006 ~ this time as a single parent. I know this; with all the grief that I suffered with the relinquishment of my child, I would never go backwards because I wouldn't have my daughters in my life. I have a relationship with my birth daughter now and it is a loving one. She is a beautiful and caring young woman and I am grateful she is in my life.
I now host a talk radio on adoption on Toginet Radio. We talk about adoption, abortion, infertility and motherhood in general. We talk about happy stories and sad stories, people that reach out to help others and more.
For me, I have a healed and happy heart as I have come full circle.