Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Abortion/ Bringing clean water to people

On Monday 10-18-10 I had a woman on my talk radio show whose birth mother became pregnant at 13. The baby was aborted and one month later she found out she was still pregnant. It was a twin & too late to abort. Hear her amazing story.

Also I had the 'Water Man' on. He raises money to bring clean water to people all around the world!Truly inspising story ~ especially when you hear that 6,000 children die every day in terrible pain from drinking contaminated water
http://toginet.com/shows/adoptionjourneytomotherhood

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Why do we Keep Secrets??

Do you ever think about the secret's we keep and why we keep them? I just finished the book, 'Sarah's Key' and the pain that went with keeping her secret and trying to bury the past. There is no closure. It made me think of all the children that had not been told they were adopted and all the birth mothers (and I'm one of them) that held the "shame" of bearing and relinquishing a child. And for what??

What are your secrets and why do you keep them? Do you have some type of outlet for them or do you push them down deep where they can't escape and no one can see? Would we share more with each other if we weren't so critical and judgmental? Why do we only bring our skeletons out at Halloween?! And they don't talk.........

Remember the catch phrase; "Don't air your dirty laundry?" Well, don't let the 'dirty laundry' fester and grow like a bacteria within you. Find a safe place to let it out and start the healing process.

I don't tell my girls, "Don't tell" ~ maybe because I grew up living that. Being honest about who we are; the good, the bad and the ugly (hmmm, sounds like a movie) helps us process life in general. Good lesson for our kids ~ for us.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Adoption and Murder

There is so much talk about the importance of letting your child know their heritage and explore their backgrounds and biological families. My guest on my talk radio show, Dr. Kirschner who is a forensic psychologist and psychoanalyst talked about murder and adoption. While the cases are extremely rare, there are people that can't cope without knowing and the rage inside of them is like a disease.
When we walk in someone else's shoes, we begin to understand their pain. Not all of us react in the same way but there is a knowing there.
Even with the tremendous pain of relinquishing my child for adoption, it has allowed me to see all sides of the adoption triad and I am grateful for this.
Open adoption and letting our kids explore who they are doesn't take away from us as adoptive parents ~ it justs adds to our role and who we are.
http://toginet.com/shows/adoptionjourneytomotherhood

Monday, September 20, 2010

A Reunion

How many people dream of being reunited with their babies that they relinquished for adoption and adoptees with their birth families? I would think that's a pretty long list.

I know I thought about the little girl that I gave birth to all the time. You might say that my life was consumed with her. Would it have been easier for me had I the chance to hold her in my arms or even gaze upon her tiny face? That wasn't the case for me because they took her from me immediately after I had been given gas.

How many people live in fear of being rejected if they reached out? I would say all of us. I know I was scared but also knew that I had to attempt it. It wasn't wonderful at first ~ the adoptive parents didn't want me to know my/their daughter. It was very painful but it also helped me to move forward in my life. I had a piece of the picture that I didn't have before. I now have a relationship with her and it is a loving one. We talk to each other every week and we fly out to each other's homes for visits.

Today on my talk radio show I had a birth mom and her birth daughter and they shared their lovely story of being reunited 50 years later. Together they wrote a book called, 'Fifty Years in 13 Days' which ia available on Amazon. Great read.....

Listen to their story on http://toginet.com/shows/adoptionjourneytomotherhood

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Article I wrote on Hybrid Mom

I'm a birth mom that relinquished a child for adoption. Only a mother who takes this path knows the pain that emcompasses the heart. I'm sure women who have had an abortion feel the same way.

I was a young girl and thought I was bad ~ I had no idea how to heal and my parents didn't know how to help. I tried to hurt myself to 'make-up' for WHAT I did. In my late 20's I started with recovery and worked through the pain in therapy.

It was almost too much to bear when I found out that my then husband and I had infertility problems. There are over 70 million women who suffer from infertility ~ and suffer they do. We went through all the testing and procedures and I was punctured just before our third attempt of IVF in a routine procedure. It almost claimed my life and I ended up losing a tube and an ovary. I went to grief counseling and began to pick up the pieces.

For the longest time I never believed that I could adopt myself, because what IF I was trying to replace my birth daughter?! After many years, hard work and a lot of prayer I woke up one day and knew I could adopt and for all the right reasons! I couldn't keep my mind focused on anything else.

We adopted a beautiful little girl from Guatemala and I learned the greatest lesson of my life. I didn't need a child of my own lineage ~ this was my child and the intensity with which I loved her was beyond anything I'd ever experienced.

I divorced and adopted again in 2006 ~ this time as a single parent. I know this; with all the grief that I suffered with the relinquishment of my child, I would never go backwards because I wouldn't have my daughters in my life. I have a relationship with my birth daughter now and it is a loving one. She is a beautiful and caring young woman and I am grateful she is in my life.

I now host a talk radio on adoption on Toginet Radio. We talk about adoption, abortion, infertility and motherhood in general. We talk about happy stories and sad stories, people that reach out to help others and more.

For me, I have a healed and happy heart as I have come full circle.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

What Pulls at your Heartstrings?

Most people would say children or love. I say the two go hand in hand.

I relinquished my child for adoption in the 70’s when I was a teenager. It was at a time when a young girl’s cry went unheard. I never held my baby or looked into her tiny face. She was taken from me immediately and I was moved to another floor. I cried for my baby girl to be brought to me, but the nurses ignored my pleas. When the Dr. broke my water they didn’t change my sheets. I cried for them to bring my sister to me when I was in labor but they never brought her. I couldn’t comprehend the cruelty because of my age and I had never experienced treatment like this before. It would be years down the road before I would realize that it was because I was young and unwed.
My pain with the loss of my daughter would be long lived.

When my husband and I married we wanted to have children right away but months went by and still no pregnancy. I went to see my OB/GYN and we entered the very popular world of infertility testing. We found out that we both had issues and we would need to have In-Vitro-Fertilization, better known as IVF. Our first two attempts failed and each time I felt a pain that I could not put words to. When we were attempting it a third time the Dr. ordered a test that puts dye into your tubes to see if they are open or closed. I questioned why she was ordering this as I had had it done twice before and after all, IVF bypasses your tubes. Her reply was that “she just wanted it”. She did not do the procedure herself ~~ an intern did and I was punctured. I was in the hospital for 17 days and when they rushed me into emergency surgery, I was within 6 hours of death. I had so much infection in my body that it claimed a tube and an ovary. I was too afraid of dying to grasp the concept that our chances were now very slim of having a child. That would come quickly enough though.

I moved forward with the help of God and grief counseling. I didn’t consider adoption in the beginning because I thought, “What if I’m trying to replace my birth daughter with another child?” I started praying for God to help me let go of my birth daughter~~ that she had a family that loved her. I asked for healing for myself. I prayed that same prayer for over 1-1/2 years and then God answered me. One day I woke up and knew I could adopt and for all the right reasons! Now I just had to get my husband on board. I researched different countries and found that Guatemala was the right one for us. We attended adoption meetings and met with other people going through the same process. The thing that sealed it for me was when we went to a picnic with other families that had adopted from Guatemala. These children were so beautiful and happy that I could not wait to start the process. I told my husband who was still unsure about the whole thing, “Let’s just start the paper work and move forward. If it doesn’t feel right, then we can talk about it.” I handled all the paper work and my husband went through the process ~~ he was becoming interested, attached and taking baby steps. When it came time for us to have the home study done, he was ready. Our baby girl was born on July 7, 2002 and we went down to visit her when she was eight weeks old. When they first put her in my arms, I sobbed but when we left the adoption home, Casa Quivira, and went to our hotel, I found myself becoming terrified and numb. We were down there for 4 days and I cried all the time calling home to my mother and sister. Here I had waited for this child for what seemed like a lifetime and now I was an emotional mess. I asked myself what was going on and why I was so terrified. It was a question that really didn’t need asking ~~ I knew I was dealing with old baggage from the relinquishment of my birth daughter. I told my husband that I needed to go home and ground myself ~~ in other words, work through and process all this terror and pain that I felt. We went home and I went to my Dr. and he told me that his sister had gone through the same thing after relinquishing a child for adoption. When her second child was born she felt as though she could barely cope. Too often women blame themselves for feeling a certain way and many hide behind a fa├žade of “everything is fine and wonderful!” There is shame involved and these emotions can spiral into self-loathing. I commend and thank Brooke Shields for being so open about her post-partum. I believe she has helped many women through similar issues. Post partum not only affects women who have given birth, but also those that have adopted. Sometimes we can’t figure out where all the emotions come from, but we need to be able to allow ourselves to feel and work through them. When I went back down to Guatemala 4 weeks later, I fell head over heels in love with my baby girl, Sophia.

I have since divorced and adopted another baby girl from Guatemala, this time as a single parent. Gabriella came home on April 11, 2007 at the age of 6 months.

I know firsthand the pain of relinquishing a child, never being able to conceive again and finding the greatest love I would ever know along with healing, all through adoption. With all the suffering that I felt, I would never go backwards. I hope that if anyone reading this is also experiencing the pain of not being able to have a child, that you would allow yourself to embrace the possibility of adoption.

My journey led me to start a doll company, the Precious Baby Doll Company, about adopting baby dolls from around the world. These dolls are for both adopted and biological children. I wanted to give the message to others that the heart knows no boundaries, no color ~ only love, and thought that it would be a wonderful way to do it through my dolls. Too often parents want a doll that looks just like their child, but children have a different idea. Children see only through eyes of love. Think how wonderful it would be for an adopted child to see their friends playing and loving an ethnic baby doll. It would give self esteem and a pride in their heritage and it would teach biological children more about adoption and loving without limitations. My next doll will be an African baby and then onto other countries!! All children need be able to celebrate the beauty of their heritage! We as adults can help them. www.preciousbabydolls.com

I have a loving relationship with my birth daughter who is beautiful and has a generous heart. I am grateful to her parents that loved and raised her. She herself has just adopted a baby girl from Ethiopia! I managed to locate her birth father’s family and she has connected with and met her half-siblings. Her half sister also gave birth and relinquished a baby girl for adoption.
For me, I have come full circle and have a content and happy heart. I cherish and adore my little girls and when I lie down by them at night, I often feel the tears of gratitude and I give thanks.

What pulls at your heartstrings? My girls do mine…………………


Link to information on Brooke Shields dealing with depression and post partum http://www2.oprah.com/tows/slide/200505/20050504/slide_20050504_101.jhtml - 13k - Cached - Similar pages

Monday, July 19, 2010

Talk Radio on Adoption

I host a talk radio show on adoption @ http://toginet.com/shows/adoptionjourneytomotherhood
Every Monday morning from 9-10 am EST I have wonderful guests on that talk about everything pertaining to adoption and beyond.

Today I had Michael Hall from 'Adoption Star' adoption agency on talking about Infant Adoption Awarness Training and gay parenting.

Also, the adoption triad (birth mom, adoptee and adoptive parent)spoke about how they felt in regards to adoption and what their fears and hopes were.

What would you like to hear about?